Kids Say The Darnest Things

Well today I decided that I will never return to War-Mart again. (yes red squiggly line I see you and no that is not misspelled that is how we say it in our family-inside joke) Yeah right! That is kinda like saying I will never eat chocolate again.

When I woke up this morning I didn't think this day would bring anything blog worthy. God is getting a chuckle out of me right now, because boy was I wrong! It was supposed to be a quick trip to the pediatric dermatologist with Hayley followed up by a quick stop in War-Mart and then back home to finish up the house work.

This is how it really went.

We arrived at the dermatologist office and had our visit. All was smooth except when Hayley broke into complete hysteria when the Dr. put on her gloves. Oh and every time she touched Hayley she would scream out,"SHE'S HURTING ME!!!!!!" I wasn't embarrassed at all (hint of sarcasm)! So we leave there and my stomach was trying to eat my backbone so I asked Hayley what she wanted to eat. She replies "Chips." I said alright and we were off to Ruby Tuesdays. All went fairly smooth there. Except when she was enjoying the music piping through the speakers a bit much because I looked up and she is headbanging to Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple. (If you don't know the song-just turn up the volume on your speakers!)

So we finish our meal and head to car. As soon as we get strapped in she says,"Mommy I have to go pee." I told her she could wait. (I know you are thinking I'm a mean parent, but she went twice at the dermatologist office! One of those times she asked me to leave the bathroom so she could do her morning "business". I was really shocked, because we were in a strange bathroom and she's asking to be left alone! You could not have paid me to do that at 3 years old. I would have freaked! So, I said very slowly, so that she would be comforted, "Ok...I..will..be..right..outside..the.. door. Call..me..when..you..are..finished.") Anyways back to the story, we were on our way to War-Mart. As we were pulling in to the parking lot she has increased the frequency of her reminder to once every second! (Say really fast) Mommy I have to go pee, Mommy I have to go pee, Mommy I have to go pee real bad! So I found the first parking spot and grabbed her out of car, at one point I even looked at her, worriedly, and said, "Don't you pee on me!" So then I thought it might be wiser to put her in a buggy and walk briskly. I wish you could have seen me bookin it across the parking lot into the store! Ok no I don't! I found the first associate and asked "Where's the CLOSEST restroom?" The lady pointed and Hayley and I made a dash. I saw the big huge RESTROOM sign hanging from the ceiling and then looked to see where I needed to leave the buggy. I saw a bunch of little signs reading 'Caution Wet Floor' I saw a few associates standing around the entrance and in my mind flashed ok they must be cleaning on that side of the Women's we will just go in this side. Remember we are still bookin it!!!! My only goal at that particular moment was to get this child's rear on a toilet AS SOON AS I COULD! So I grab her out of the buggy and fly into the bathroom. Quick! My eyes always search for the handicap stall (because there is always at least two of us going in)! I am running for the stall and I glance to my right, and suddenly (still running) a thought goes through my mind. It goes like this,"Humm, when did they start putting urinals in a women's bathroom?!?!" So I get in the stall and I did take the time to get a seat cover, I mean after all we were in War-Mart. And another thought goes through my mind, that it is very strange that there are actually seat covers to be gotten. I mean usually they are all gone! I have to take a knee in front of her to catch my breath and I start to hear something. Someone else peeing and loudly, quite loudly as a matter of fact. Then it all starts to sink in. I crouch down to take a peek and I see tennis shoes. Tennis shoes facing the opposite direction as Hayley's shoes!!!! Yep it was then I realized that we were in the Men's Restroom. So she finished up and my plan was just to peek out the door to see when he leaves, and then we will just sneak out right behind him. It was my fear that men would just keep coming in while the first guy was washing his hands and we would never get out of there! But that was just my mind overreacting, it does that sometimes. We did get out right after him. Hayley, however could not understand why we were peeking through the crack of the door nor why we were running for the exist.


So we get back in the buggy and continue our shopping. We pick up a few things and then, from all of the excitement, I have to do some "business" myself. (That happens to me when my stomach gets all worked up -TMI I know, I'm sorry)

Proceed this post with caution!

So I ask an associate where's the nearest restroom and we go in, this time I checked the sign (like three times!). I get in the stall and apparently I had this look on my face because Hayley says to me "Momma..I..will..be..right..outside..the..door.Call..me..when..you..are..finished." I think I heard a lady in the next stall over snicker. In flash she was back. "Momma are you done poopin?!?" I whispered,"No." A few moments later I stand up and she peers around to the toilet and says, very loudly I might add,"WOW MOMMA YOU REALLY POOPED A LOT!!!" I thought the woman on the other side of the wall was going to DIE! I was soooo embarrassed to say the least! At that point I was like let's go, let's just get out of here! So we proceeded to checkout and while we were standing in line Hayley notices that the old gentleman in front of us was wearing flip flops. Hayley turns to me all the while still pointing to the man's shoes and says,"Momma boys don't wear flip flops!" Apparently this 60+ year old man could hear just fine and turned to her and said,"Well, I do." He wasn't rude or anything but at that point I looked at Hayley with my eyes squinted and said bring it on sister today I can take anything you got!